Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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