I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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