Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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