His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
