Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
