Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
