It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
