I never want to see another naked old woman again.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
