sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize