im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
