in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
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