U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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