Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
