Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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