I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
accomplished twins. life is a go
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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