If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
