It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
