Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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