I love black thongs
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
