yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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