Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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