Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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