Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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