Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
im calling her cock vulture from now on
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
