I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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