Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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