She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Randomize
