my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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