I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
