I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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