All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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