Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
