i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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