as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
