I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
