Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
