shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Randomize
