I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
