i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
