I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
