Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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