Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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