dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
someone owes me an orgasm
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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