Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
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