Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
