Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
