Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
