this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
