2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
