You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize