i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
