this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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