We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
