We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize