its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
