Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
