I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
