hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
