all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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