your thong is hanging out like whoa
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
