I want to have your abortion
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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