Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
