oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
