I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
