Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
