No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
