I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
