just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
