she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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